I had to bend down very slightly and my hair fell into his face, but he returned the kiss passionately. I knew what that meant, and anyway I was feeling hungry in that way, so I went down on him. A quick pang of fear led me to check my dressing table. My lipstick was there. It was okay, I would be able to touch up again afterwards.The blow was short and sweet, and afterwards I felt the old tingle right throughout my body. I stood up again to kiss Steve before re-applying my make-up. I had to reach up slightly this time. Huh? Did he get taller?Dinner was odd. Steve had ordered me to pretend that I was his girlfriend, Francesca, and that Frank had gone away on holiday. Mujared wasn't too upset, but Marie seemed to miss him. I served everyone right up to brandies, when the guys went down to sit in front of the TV and talk. I wanted to join them, but Marie trapped me in the kitchen."So," she began, "when did you meet Steve?" Oh, I've known him since he moved here." I have to. ?Honestly I don?t know. I have moments where everything is fine and I?mactually content, other times everything is bothering me,? I replied.She smiles weakly. ?You still don?t know how to see yourself do you??I sigh. ?No I don?t, I mean I know what I want to be, but I knowlogically I?ll never be. I am female in every aspect other than mychromosomes. Knowing it and accepting it though, I don?t know how to. IfI accept it I feel like, I?ll be letting everyone down. Even more than Ialready have.? My vision starts to blur yet again from tears forming.?STOP IT!? she almost yells. Then more softly, ?I promise you haven?t letanyone down, other than not letting them in. Not letting me in, that hurtRobbie. I understand why, but we?re making up for that now okay. None ofthis is your fault, you know. You didn?t choose this, it just happened.Once you start accepting that I think you will be able to move forward alot easier.?Does it really matter if I accept it or not, I mean who could accept meif.
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